Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Ready for change

What a wild few weeks it has been! In mid-December Jess matched into a residency program in Biloxi, MS where we'll be heading in May. On the 21st we honored what would have been Jude's 2nd birthday. Then: Christmas with all of my gigantic family in town, Peter got sick and Jess' mom flew into town, and then a new nephew was added to the family, then we celebrated our anniversary/New Years Eve, then Jess' mom left, and NOW I'm sick. Gee,... I wonder why.... woot. I'm exhausted.

It's been a month of many blessings; but something has become very clear to me in the last month or two. As much as I have LOVED living close to family, and as much as I'm going to miss them desperately when we move 1500 away; I'm so ready for the next phase. Living here has been awesome, and it has been hard. It has been completely lacking the medical community support system that we got used to in Parker. My family has filled in many of the gaps left, but it's still not the same as having support from dear friends that are walking the same road.

I sometimes hesitate to put things bluntly on my blog for fear of hurting feelings, but I'm just going to say it:

Our time in Grand Junction has been very lonely and we are ready to move on.

We dearly love our friends here and know that they love us. But we have found that even when people love you, if they don't understand the path your life taking, they simply don't have the means to offer the support that you need. And I think once they realize that, many people just stop trying. Our lives are on a beautiful but unique and often difficult path. Between having a child in Heaven, and the whole medical school process I think we are becoming harder for many of our friends to relate to.

Jess copes with it quite well as, even though he's the extrovert, he stays busy with school and rotations. I on the other hand, have had a hard time coping with the adjustment of being a (mostly) stay-at-home mom while simultaneously realizing that I'm being left out of more and more of my friends get togethers and activities. I place no blame,... it is simply the product of being an awkward introvert and not having much in common with my friends here beyond our children and church. But it is still hard. And it makes me ready to move on to the next phase of our lives,....

Even if that phase is a crazy busy residency in Biloxi Mississippi!

There will be opportunities for relationships with women who understand the process that we are undertaking. I won't have to explain the difference between rotations and residency over and over again. I won't have to describe the decisions we're facing about civilian vs. military fellowship. I won't have to explain what Internal Medicine and Pulmonary Critical Care (the specialty that Jess is pursuing) are. I won't have to verbalize the worries in the back of my mind over the likelihood that he'll be deployed multiple times in the coming years or that we will have to fight tooth and nail to keep our marriage strong when he's at the hospital 24/7.

There will be women there that get it.

And though it means moving so far from family and the mountains that we love, I know that God has great things in store for us there.



And here's my sweet boy, just to make you smile:
Can't believe he's 10 months already!!!

4 comments:

  1. I LOVE reading your blog and always love when a new update comes. :) I'm excited for this new journey for you guys. I can understand in different (and similar) ways. I have found that it's gotten harder and harder to be in deep relationship women who have not experienced child loss. I hate that it's true but it is. I wish we lived close, I think we'd be good friends! And I'm already jealous of what winters will be like for you in Biloxi compared to Montana. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish we lived closer too! Maybe someday our paths will cross. :-) Thanks for reading, it's always nice to know that others can commiserate!

      Delete
  2. You will LOVE that about residency! You will most likely look back with great fondness. He will do beautifully and you will do beautifully! Be blessed that you have a man of the house that has his priorities straight (even if some days it won't seem that way - because of the intense demand of his time), which means medicine is NOT at the top of the list!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You will LOVE that about residency! You will most likely look back with great fondness. He will do beautifully and you will do beautifully! Be blessed that you have a man of the house that has his priorities straight (even if some days it won't seem that way - because of the intense demand of his time), which means medicine is NOT at the top of the list!

    ReplyDelete

 
Copyright ©2011 Small Bird Studios | All Rights Reserved | Premade Designs at Small Bird Studios